All behavior serves a purpose

My husband was watching a lesson from Gabor Maté’s Compassionate Inquiry, and he was telling me about it on the way home. The idea he shared was that a lot of what we call bad or dysfunctional behavior is really someone trying to escape some kind of suffering. That the behavior isn’t the problem. To the person, the behavior is the solution. And Maté doesn’t start with “stop doing that.” He starts with, what is this doing for you?

And I’m like, that’s pretty much exactly what we do in ABA.

In behavior analysis, the most effective interventions are based on what the individual is trying to gain with that behavior, not on what the behavior looks like. We should be thinking, what are they trying to accomplish with that behavior? There’s different functions, right? Are they trying to get away from something? Are they trying to get something? Are they trying to get attention? Or does it just feel good? So it’s the same thing. It’s a solution. They’re trying to get something. There’s a reason.

All behavior serves a purpose. It doesn’t just happen for no reason. So you look at what they’re trying to get, and then you teach a better way. A better solution, something that will work for them out in the world, that won’t get in the way of their living.

And that’s also what I like about ABA. You don’t judge the individual. It’s not at all about the person. They’re not a bad child. They’re not “so difficult.” They have these behaviors, that’s it. And these behaviors are a result of their environment, because it worked for them, basically. So you’re never looking at them as a bad child.

In ABA, that’s called a function-based intervention. You always want to replace a behavior with something else that gives them the same thing they want, just in a better way. You never want to just say “stop.” You say, “try this instead.” “Just ask.” “Use your words.”

One of my textbooks says it pretty plainly. If you just take away what the behavior was getting them, without teaching a better way to get it, you can end up with new problem behaviors. And the new behavior you teach has to get them the same thing the old one did, or it won’t stick. I wrote about that for one of my classes this fall, and it’s exactly what I see in sessions.

That’s also why punishment doesn’t work. It might stop the behavior in the moment, because if you’re being punished you can’t keep doing what you were doing. But it’s just going to come back, because that desire for that thing is still there. They haven’t learned a better way. They’re just going to do it when you’re not there.

Parents push back on this a lot. The way they say it is usually something like, how can I let my child get away with this when they know better? But it’s not letting them get away with it. If they’re screaming because they want something, we’re not going to give it to them when they scream. We’re going to teach them to ask. And at the beginning, when they ask, they’ll probably get it, even if it’s not the best thing for them. Because you’re trying to teach them that asking works better than screaming. And then later you can teach them to wait, or that they can’t always have it right when they want it. But first, the better way has to work.

So, I don’t know. When my husband was telling me about Maté, I just kept thinking, it’s kind of the same thing. Different words, different people, but the same idea. Look at what the behavior is doing for them. Don’t judge the child. Teach a better way.

I’m still learning a lot of this. I’ve been working with children for about thirty years, seven of those in ABA, and I just got my BCaBA, and I’m still in school. So I don’t want to make it sound like I have it all figured out. But this part I’m pretty sure about. They’re not a bad child. It worked for them. That’s where you start.